Starting Fresh
by Lifeistooshort
Summary: Years in the future, Vala's leaving the SGC to start fresh. Daniel's not sure if he's ready to lose her. But events change everything and moving on seems harder then ever. Epilogue now up! COMPLETE!
1. Moving On

Vala started to pack with ease. Five years ago she never would have imagined leaving. This had become her home. Stargate Command was the place where she had learnt to grow up and settle down. But running it seemed was part of her blood. She'd had an itch for at least a few months. She had done her best to ignore it, but with the Ori gone, Sam off in Atlantis, Teal'c off with the Jaffa, and funding for the Stargate program winding down, things just hadn't been the same.

Then again it might have been that only a few months ago she and Daniel had had their inevitable falling out. That is he gave her a speech about how she was "damaged goods". He thought of her as a friend. Oh and that he could never think of her "that way". Not that he exactly put himself in the best of light. He _did_ call himself fragile.

"Fragile my ass," Vala said as she picked up her hair dryer. She shook her head and put it back down. She looked at herself in the mirror. She knew what Daniel had been telling her. It wasn't that he was fragile; it was that he thought she would hurt him. She shook her head and went back to packing.

She heard someone knock at the door. "It's open," she yelled as she threw her pink pumps into a case.

She heard the door open. She didn't look up she knew who it was. "Hello, Darling." She was going back and forth between the dresser and the cases. She didn't want to look at him. She knew all the sides of Daniel and this wasn't one she wanted to look at.

"What are you doing?" Daniel asked apparently upset.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she said as she violently threw a sweater into a case. "I'm packing." The words were difficult to say but she didn't care. He wasn't going to stop her this time.

"Where exactly are you planning on going?" He couldn't erase that tinge from his voice. He was upset. Vala couldn't help but smile. She was glad, at least he had some feeling for her.

"Not that it's any of your business but I've been invited to live with one of the recovering planets. They need someone who knows the lay of the land." She threw some shirts into the case and kept talking. "The General wants some Ambassadors of goodwill out there." She pointed randomly towards the roof. "There'll be plenty of work and from the sounds of it, plenty of adventure. So no need to worry about me getting bored." She couldn't help but sound mocking as she told him.

"An entire planet has decided to have you guide them in this bold new world?" his voice was laced with sarcasm. Oh he knew how to lay it on thick. She just hated that he had gotten so good at taking an extra jab at her expense.

"Believe it or not Daniel," she said trying her best not to throw something at him. "I do have skills required," she waved her hand about sardonically, "elsewhere. And though you may find it hard to believe I do actually have a good reputation with these people."

Daniel sighed. It was that irritating all knowing sigh. The one that said 'I can see into the future. You Vala will not be leaving.' She wanted to kick in the balls. "When exactly are you planning on taking this trip?"

"At 1800 hours. I've already received authorization." She handed him a piece of paper and went back to her cases and shut them violently.

Daniel looked at the paper in disbelief. She wasn't faking it this time. She was actually going. She was leaving her friends behind. She was leaving her home behind.

"What about your friends? What about your life here? You've made a home here," Daniel sounded hurt. Vala tried her best to shudder off the guilt. He had made his choice.

"It's not like I'm exactly leaving." She grabbed the paper from his hand and walked past him into the hall. "I'm just a gate address away. Plus everyone else is heading off making plans. You said it yourself," she paused and remembered that rather hurtful discussion. It hadn't ended so much in tears as in a yelling match. "You're probably going to head off to study the new Ancient repository on P2X-whatever. Everyone is starting fresh. Why shouldn't I?"

Daniel was fuming. Pacing beside her he could barely contain the urge to shake her. "You head off without telling anyone? That's more like running off then starting fresh."

She stopped and looked at him, eye to eye. "Believe it or not Daniel I'm not as immature as you'd like to believe. Everyone… EVERYONE knows… even Sam and she's in another galaxy for god's sake. The only person who doesn't know, who doesn't seem to catch on is you!" She put a finger on his chest as if to emphasize her point. "I told you three weeks ago… and I haven't seen you for what now five days. It's not like I made the decision 'poof'," she waved her hands around and squeezed her face for effect, "I'm gone. I took my time with this decision. I got input from everyone who seemed to care." She shook her head, trying to clear it. "But I guess it was too hard for you to take time to notice your friend needed your help." She turned away from him, but before she could stop herself she looked back. "Or maybe you don't have time for damaged goods."

Then she saw that side of Daniel she had been trying to avoid, the side of Daniel that she had just drudged up not totally by mistake. Maybe it was because she wanted him to hurt or maybe she was just being selfish. She had been selfish enough to believe that seeing this side of Daniel would make her feel better. This side of Daniel just twisted the pit of her stomach and made her want to cry all over again. This side of Daniel was the most common and hurtful side. The guilty side.

She turned and ran off before he had a chance to say anything or even shake himself from his stunned state. She was doing it. She was leaving. She was leaving him.

"What about me?"


	2. Distance

Vala left the SGC without much trouble. She did 'borrow' a few Airmen to help her with the cases she had loaded. But she was quickly and comfortably settled without trouble and thankfully without having to encounter Daniel. She walked the Airmen back to the gate and headed for the town.

She didn't know what she was going to do about Daniel. Maybe she was just trying to get away from him? He had hurt her, and he acted like he didn't even notice.

"Distance!" she had told herself. It was hard trying to keep her distance from Daniel when they worked in the same place. At first she had loved it. She got to spend all her time with him, innocently under the guise of 'work'.

"And I did work damn it! I worked damn hard!" she muttered to herself.

Later on the SGC had seemed more like a cage and around every corner there he was, Daniel. She would awkwardly try and get out of his way before he noticed her. Thing was most of the time she thought he just wanted to fight. He'd provoke her, say something about how she had so much more to learn, or that her work didn't reflect her potential. And she would take the bait every time. She didn't know why she did it to herself, but she had to make it stop.

She knew she was smart; probably more well rounded then crazy Daniel. She had learnt enough just being at the SGC. She knew enough history and mythology to boggle the mind, well maybe not Daniel's mind. She had refined her knowledge of technology while teaching those earthlings a thing or to. And she had kept up with the power struggles and politics.

"Some people even think I'm an expert," she muttered to herself. "An asset!"

If she had wanted to be a pirate again she would have been the best of the lot. Vala just shook her head. She didn't want to be a pirate again. Somewhere along the way Vala had learnt some other things too. Morals, friendship, peace, and safety to name a few things. She wanted to be able to give that to others.

Still everything somehow came full circle. Daniel had taught her those things. Daniel had taught her to stop running. Daniel had taught her to put aside selfish goals; had taught her to help achieve a collective ambition. Daniel. Always Daniel. Beautiful lovely smart Daniel. She hated him. She loved him. She couldn't decide. Somehow everything came back to him, and that was tearing her apart.

She needed to clear her head. She needed to leave Daniel behind, at least until she knew what to do with him. There would be no moving on if she was always thinking about him. And then she realized. She'd been having an argument with Daniel and he wasn't even there.

"What's wrong with me?" As soon as she asked the question she knew she didn't want an answer.

As she walked into the village she tried to feel happy with herself. She was growing up. She was going to have her own life. She could start over. Everything was fresh, with no mistakes… yet.

She walked into the local tavern with a smile. "Well I'm here!" she announced. Suddenly Vala was surrounded by big burly men all pointing their guns at her head. The villagers looked just as surprised as Vala. Vala put up hands in a show of surrender. "And it would appear you're here too boys."


	3. The things we run from

Being a member of SG-1 had afforded for several situations in which torture was an inevitable price; being a space pirate had provided for situations in which torture had been a touch more severe. The pain of torture however was something Vala thought she had overcome. Once you've been stoned, shot, burnt alive and had suppressed memories drudged up, you pretty much get used to pain. But this was different. This was so much worse.

"What the hell do you want?" she shouted through the tears.

It was emotional torture. Every feeling was controlled. Sadness, grief, loneliness, they were but a few of the many things Vala had been experiencing. But she had no buffer. She had no way of pushing them aside to think of something else. All she could sense was immense emotional pain. Her throat was dry from crying, her eyes were swollen from tears, and her heart was racing through the roof.

"What do you want?!"

"What do you think I want Vala?" said a laughing voice from the shadows.

She knew that voice. She had been running from that voice for what felt like an age and a half. She couldn't believe it was him. She didn't want to believe it was him. "Galnek?"

He laughed. That laugh seemed to hurt more than any kind of torture. "Yes Vala." She shuddered at the thought. She tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat. Her throat was too dry; it was too painful to even think of swallowing.

She tried to clear her mind. She couldn't do it. All she could sense was Galnek. Oh they had wanted to know why she'd been running. Many reasons perhaps but he was top of the list.

"Do you know what I want Vala?"

She made a stiff nod. She knew. The thought made her cold. There would be no escape. There would be no reason to hope. This would be long and painful and if she were lucky she would die.

"What do I want Vala?" his smirking voice asked from the shadows.

Her dry raspy voice made the slow response. "Revenge."


	4. Galnek the Good?

"What do you mean she's gone missing?" Mitchell asked fighting the urge to scream.

Sitting in the briefing room with him were Daniel, Teal'c and General Landry. All seemed sullen, but just as enraged.

"The inhabitants of P3X-341 dialed us about an hour after the incident," the General told them. "They told us Vala had been abducted by a large contingent of men and taken off world in a ship."

"Why'd it take them an hour?" Daniel asked not even trying to hide the rage in his voice.

"They wanted to be sure the men were gone," the General said. When he saw Daniel's look he added, "They've been through a lot Dr. Jackson. They're just trying to protect themselves."

Daniel shook his head. He didn't trust himself to keep talking.

"What? Are we talking Lucian alliance, rival Goa'uld?" Mitchell asked, ready to bounce.

The General shook his head. "From what we've been able to gather Vala has been taken to a man named Galnek?"

"Galnek?" Daniel asked worried. "The Galnek? The one who Vala double-crossed nine years ago?"

The General nodded. "That'd be the one."

Daniel shook his head. "This is bad."

"This is indeed very bad." Teal'c sat shaking his head in disbelief.

"Who's…" Mitchell began to ask.

"Galnek is a former 'acquaintance' of Vala's," Daniel began to explain. "They knew each other from Vala's days as a host and for sometime after."

"So he's a Goa'uld?" Mitchell asked.

"Not exactly," Daniel said.

"Vala Mal Doran once described him as a 'Pirate King.'" Teal'c told him.

"Wait, this guy's human?" Mitchell asked more in disbelief then shock.

"Well no…" Daniel started again. "Galnek is human now, if we use the term human loosely. He able to ward off the Goa'uld in his region of space, which afforded him with certain privileges. He's been able to keep dominance over his region of space, even after the Ori."

"He is known as a great torturer and one who is not to be crossed." Teal'c explained.

"But he is also known as a benevolent leader and a man who will always keep his word," Daniel added. "Galnek has given his region numerous years of prosperity. His people are loyal without question."

"Brain-washed?" Mitchell asked.

Daniel shrugged.

"Didn't the Ori sweep his region of space, devastate, destroy?" Mitchell asked. "Pull the guy off his high horse?"

Daniel shook his head. "He allied himself with the Ori. That is until the tables turned. Then Galnek managed to overthrow the invading troops and rid his worlds of the infestation of evil." Daniel sighed; he couldn't save everyone. "In his region of space he's seen as the savior and the rightful sovereign. Which basically means they turn a blind eye when he tortures and murders and pretty much does whatever the hell he wants."

"And what pre-tell did Vala do to piss this guy off?" the General asked.

Daniel squirmed a little. He didn't know the whole story. Actually he'd told as much of the story as he knew. The only reason he and Teal'c knew so much was because a while back the three of them had been infected with some kind of fever and while in isolation a rather half-crazed Vala had started muttering tales from her past. The rest he'd researched on his own.

"Well you know," Daniel began with a shrug. "Double crossing, back stabbing. That kind of thing."

"We're going after her right?" Mitchell suddenly asked the General.

The General seemed more disturbed by that question then by anything else he had heard. "We don't really have the resources to allow you any means of hyperspace travel."

Mitchell shrugged. "Time to call in some favors."


	5. The games we play: Vala

Vala was finally alone, or as alone as Galnek would let her be. Despite the fact that she knew he had to be watching she heaved on the chamber floor. She found a corner and huddled on the ground. The room was empty He had taken her clothes. Stripped her naked in more way then one. She was emotional just as naked, unable to shield herself. There was no barrier between the pain Galnek wanted her to feel and the pain she was in.

"Well you wanted adventure you silly fool?" she thought softly. She hugged herself close. She had to clear her mind. She knew Glanek's games. She knew them all to well. She tried to access memory, anything aside from the pain. She was aching inside. Fear, if she could conjure up fear she might survive. But knowing you are going to die, knowing there is no hope, somehow fear seems irrelevant after all of that.

"You should have listened to Daniel," she thought to herself. "Safe, that's what you were. You were safe on Earth. Damn you for wanting to change and grow up."

But she had really been escaping then too. She had tried to escape from one kind of emotional pain and just ended up finding another far worse kind. Vala shook her head. She had to think. She had to clear her head.

"Will they come for me?" she asked herself silently. "Will they even know I'm gone?"

Suddenly the door opened. Vala tried to raise herself to her feet. Then she saw the figure before her. She saw that unmistakable face. "Galnek?" He was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. She would have loathed him with every part of her being, if she had been able to reach the emotion.

"Hello Darling," his voice was crisp, no laughter now.

"Why? Why are you…" she stopped, there was no reason to beg. She knew Galnek had no sense of empathy, no need for compassion. As much as she knew she didn't deserve this, he thought she did, and that was all that mattered to him.

Vala cradled her head and began to cry again.

"Oh darling, no need to cry." He was laughing again. Smiling. Looking at him was another kind of torture itself. "We're going to leave the machines alone for a while."

She looked up at him and met his eyes.

He took off his jacket and smiled viciously. "We're going to play another game now."


	6. The games we play: Daniel

With a little help from a less than savory lot, Daniel, Mitchell and Teal'c were able to contact one of Galnek's men. They were going to bargain for Vala. Daniel, having contacted some friends he'd met through Vala, was able to call in some favors that provided him with enough Naquadah to service a sizable armada.

"You know," Mitchell said, as they strolled through space in a cargoship they were borrowing on account of another small favor. "It's nice having saved the galaxy and all. Seems like there are a lot of people in your debt."

Daniel gave a half-absent nod. "Not that we exactly got any of this from respectable people."

Mitchell snorted. "We got it from respectable people. Respectable thieves, respectable pirates, respectable mercenaries; all very respectable people."

Daniel smiled despite his mood. "Let's just hope it will be enough."

"Whoa," Mitchell said. "I thought you said this would be no problem."

"No more then usual," Daniel said as if he were correcting himself. He looked innocently at Mitchell.

"Oh," Mitchell began sarcastically. "That good huh?"

Daniel crossed his arms passively and started to think. If it hadn't been for Vala they wouldn't have had half the connections they needed to get their 'rescue' materials. He let out a sigh. He didn't know why but for a moment he felt superior, better than Vala. He knew if he hadn't met her he wouldn't have been dealing with people he didn't respect. A second later he felt guilty for looking down on her, realizing maybe it was Vala he didn't really respect.

"What's with you man?" Mitchell asked, sounding half worried and half annoyed. "You've got that guilty look."

"ColonelMitchell is correct." Teal'c said when Daniel didn't answer. "There is no reason for you to feel guilty over what has happened to ValaMalDoran."

Daniel shrugged. "It's just that…" Daniel paused. He was guilty. At least in some way this was his fault. But he didn't feel guilty; at least not in the way he expected to feel. He was angry, angry with Vala. Angry that she had gotten kidnapped; Angry that she needed to be rescued yet again; Angry enough to think that somehow this was all her fault. And he felt guilty for being angry with her. Which wasn't really feeling guilty at all. "Do you remember that fight we had a few months back?"

"Yeah, which one?" Mitchell scoffed.

Daniel looked at them a little surprised.

"You and ValaMalDoran have engaged in many fights these past few months DanielJackson," Teal'c told him promptly.

Daniel shook his head. He hadn't really noticed. Fighting with Vala had become almost second nature. He knew things had changed. After their big fight she had become more distant, and he had tried to understand. But still sometimes he felt like he was drowning and fighting with Vala was the only way to stay afloat. "Well I guess it started a couple months back. Things haven't been the same since."

"Oh," Mitchell said knowingly. "The 'damaged goods' fight. Believe me Daniel you've said plenty worse to her since then."

"I guess I deserved that," Daniel agreed somberly.

"Yeah well you did," Mitchell mumbled. "I still don't know why she never just told you to stop being a jackass. Because lately…"

"Hey it's not like she's a piece of cake," Daniel said, not able to suppress the need to defend himself. "She's so stubborn and so childish. She tells me that she doesn't need me and then she goes off and does something like this… she's just so…"

"Wait, wait, wait," Mitchell suddenly interrupted. "Let me get this straight," he said sitting up, staring at Daniel in disbelief. "You think… You think Vala went to another planet to get kidnapped?"

Daniel didn't say anything. He suddenly felt really thick.

"You think she went to get kidnapped so what?" Mitchell asked. "So you could come and save her?"

"Yes!" Daniel yelled. He wished he could take back the word as soon as he'd said it. He had the strongest urge to cover his mouth and pretend he was shocked.

"That's just so incredibly…" Mitchell couldn't even find the word.

"Selfish," Teal'c said calmly.

Daniel couldn't do anything but shrug. "It just seems that every time she doesn't get what she wants… something happens so…"

"So you have to run to her side and act like a knight in shining armor?" Mitchell asked. "You know Daniel, Vala's a big girl she doesn't need you. Do you really think she likes having to be saved? Independent, free-spirited Vala? You think she isn't sitting there right now trying to get out on her own? You might think you know her man, but you're avoiding what's right in front of your face. You might think that Vala is stubborn and childish, but at least she's realized the world doesn't revolve around her."

Daniel was speechless. He couldn't even believe that he was actually having this conversation. He couldn't believe he was such a huge jackass.

"Truth is I think you're the one who needs to save her," Mitchell said trying not to yell. "You like being the knight in shining armor so much, you've made it the defining feature of your relationship with Vala."

There was a long pause. No one knew what to say. Frankly Teal'c and Mitchell were ready to throw Daniel into space. They'd been watching the fight for months, maybe years now. They were fed up with Daniel's arguments; they'd heard it a million times. They were on Vala's side: Daniel was an ass.

Daniel tried to get comfortable in what now felt like a very awkward seat. Maybe he had it all wrong. Maybe he was the one who liked saving Vala? Had she really created a game or did he just use the game as an excuse? He needed Vala, that's what it was. He needed her. He needed to fight with her, to laugh with her. She didn't need him despite how desperately he thought she did. Even still Vala might not need him but she still wanted him.

"I'm sorry," Daniel finally said after a couple of hours. "I'm a jackass."

"Good," Mitchell said. "I'm glad we agree. But could you please save us the 'I'm always at fault, I'm so guilty' act, it's very distracting."

"Hey I…"

"We're here!" Mitchell cut Daniel off. They dropped out of hyperspace and came upon a large satellite orbiting the moon of a planet. Mitchell looked at both Daniel and Teal'c. "What makes you think this guy is going to bargain?"

"As ruthless as Galnek might be," Teal'c answered. "He will not turn down the offer. Galnek's colonies did not fair well after the Ori invasion."

"Yeah I know," Mitchell told him. "I got that. But from what you told me this guy seems a little..." Mitchell tried to find the right phrase.

"Wonko?" Daniel added with a smile.

"Exactly," Mitchell said. "So what's plan b?"

"There is no need for a plan B," Teal'c told him. "I too have found many people in my debt."


	7. The past: Damn those other men!

Vala had endured Galnek for what felt like hours. She had bruises in places she didn't even want to think about. She would much rather lose a limb then have to go through that again. Still he had forced her to stare into his eyes, those beautiful horrible eyes. There was nothing looking back at her.

She wasn't sure which was more painful the machine or him. They both gave pain, breaking her down until there was nothing left. He kept sending her back and forth, machine and man, both gruesome.

She watched him out of the corner of her eye. She huddled in her own corner. She wanted to hate. She wanted to kill him. But she couldn't feel anything except devastation, grief and loneliness. She had lost herself. She didn't know if she could fight it much longer.

"Galnek!" a voice came over the intercom. "They have arrived."

Galnek put on his jacket and approached her with a smile. He grabbed her chin with the tips of his fingers. "Time to find out what your worth Darling?" He let his fingers go and gave her cheek a soft pat.

He left her silently, malevolently.

Vala tried to remember what she had done exactly to deserve this. How could you hurt a bastard who couldn't even feel? She didn't know. But a double-cross to Galnek was a double-cross no matter the circumstances. Who cares that she was taken prisoner, forced to betray him under torture, and barely escaped with her life? No Galnek wouldn't care. Who cares that it just happened to be Galnek's men who caught her, did all manner of thing to her, before they went off and betrayed their master? Galnek wouldn't care. But somewhere inside Vala could almost feel satisfaction at knowing how those bastards had suffered. Still she was sure none of them had to endure this.

She was fooling herself though. That was barely half the reason Galnek was torturing her. It had more to do with his brother then with a professional double cross. Being Galnek's lover was something she now felt disgusted by. She knew now that mixing pleasure with business was never a good idea. She tried to shake off the idea that maybe somehow Galnek had felt more for her then lust. That the hurt of her actions was something akin to the terrible pain that had made her walk away from the SGC.

As a pirate she had wanted advantage, power. As Galnek's lover she had wanted out. He had respected her as a fellow pirate. He had given her passion in the bedroom. But Vala was not a creature so easily tamed. The relationship had become restrictive. Galnek's jealousy was strong to the point that Vala was 'not allowed' to speak with other men. She was watched by his men, none the less, whenever she was out of his sight. That made it so much easier for his men to play out their double cross when the time came. After she had been taken prisoner, tortured and betrayed Galnek to what she had inevitably assumed was his death, she had been ready to get out and as far away as she could go. She had been ready to disappear. Her physical condition however had prevented such events from occurring. But Rieff, Galnek's brother, had shown up, carried her to his ship and nursed her to health.

It had been a romantic affair. Reiff was different from his brother. He treated her with dignity. He fought like an impassioned man, not a jealous fool. She grew to care for him despite her better judgment. Reiff however proved to be the greater of two evils. When she finally realized that she was to be bait for Galnek, she had confronted Reiff. He told her they could be joint partners in a deal that would give them power over vast regions. But Vala wasn't going to engage in murder. He tried to lock her up, but in the end he didn't have the means to hold her.

Reiff's plans to kill his brother ultimately failed. Reiff was assassinated by his own men. Vala had always wondered if the assassins had really been Galnek's men. She shivered at the thought. She wondered how much of her affair Galnek actually knew about.

After that Vala had set up rules. She tried to avoid getting involved with emotionally unstable, jealous, egomaniacs, who were just a little off their rocker. The only problem was she still had to avoid the ones she already had ties to. She had been safe on the run. She had been safe at the SGC. And somehow all those years of safety had made her forget how truly dangerous her life had been.

Still there were questions she couldn't answer. She wasn't sure whether Galnek was pissed off because she had slept with Reiff or because she had escaped from him. She didn't know which it was, but whatever the reason it didn't matter now.

She shivered as she hugged herself close. There was only one real way out of this. And she felt sure Galnek had made suicide impossible. Vala tried to remember something, feel something aside from the pain. She knew it was the only way out of here. She was ready to try it, to given in.

"Daniel," she whispered hoarsely. "Where are you Daniel?"


	8. Waking up

Vala woke up. She felt a throbbing pain in her wrist. She didn't want to look at it. What she had done to herself frightened her? Still she was able to conjure up something other than emotional devastation. She had fear; she had some sort of shield. She might get out of this now.

Then Vala realized she didn't know where she was. It was warm. She was dressed, on a bed. She waited a moment before opening her eyes. It was a dream. It had to be a dream, because this looked and felt like, a cargoship?

She tried to get up. She didn't know why but she went to the door to try and open in. Galnek wouldn't leave a door unlocked; he knew the kind of lock that would keep her in. She looked up and saw three men sitting at different consuls. She recognized these men. Didn't she?

"Daniel?" was the only word she could manage to rasp out. She wasn't even sure what it meant, but something about it felt right. She wanted to laugh at the sound of it. Daniel? She let the thought role over her mind. There was some memory locked away that she desperately tried to reach.

All three men turned around quickly to look at her. One of the men jumped up quickly and went to her side. "Vala?"

She knew his face. What a pretty face. With those glasses and those bleu eyes. But it was a sad face. She wasn't sure she could ever change that face to make it smile.

"Daniel?" she was struggling not to cry. Crying was painful. But she couldn't help it; so much grief; so much pain. Suddenly the sight of him made her feel something else, some other pain locked away. It was a pain mixed with joy and with love, but those weren't things she understood right now. All she understood was that there was pain, and she feared that pain now.

He approached her slowly. She backed away as quick as she could. "No, no, no," she said.

This was all wrong. Galnek would never have let her go. Would he? How could you know what a man like that would ever do? But wouldn't that just be it, the best torture of all? After making it impossible for her to feel anything but pain, release her into the world so she would know it would never end.

"Vala trust me."

Galnek had said that. Bastard. Galnek had said so many things before he…

She looked up at Daniel. Was it really him? She didn't believe it. Was this her lovable, adorable, guilt faced Daniel? But that was it wasn't it? Damaged goods? She almost remembered now. If she wasn't damaged before she sure was now. She couldn't be near him. She couldn't smell him. She couldn't let him hold her or touch her. It was all just fake. It was all an illusion created to delude her mind even more. All it did was lead to pain. She couldn't endure pain from him too.

"No," she managed to say again raising a hand to stop him. "Don't… don't come near me." It took all the effort she could muster to say it.

She went back into the room with the bed. She made sure the door closed quickly, not sure she could lock it. But something told her that if those were the men she thought they were, they would leave her alone. She went to the bed and curled up. She started to cry. She felt exhausted, so tired. But she couldn't sleep, not yet. She wasn't safe.


	9. Where to begin?

When they finally landed the ship, three women gated to the planet and helped Vala get home. Vala didn't remember much of anything that day or the next. It was all a blur; Machines whizzing by, protective nurses yelling at Daniel when he tried to come in, poking and prodding. But she felt at last she was safe.

Vala slept in a shallow sleep, full of nightmares of torture. But she hadn't slept since the torture had started, not really slept. She was glad for the rest despite the dreams. Dreams didn't hurt the same way.

Dr. Carolyn Lam, who had been packing for weeks now getting ready to leave for Atlantis, reported to the men in the briefing room.

"I'm not sure where to begin," Carolyn told them. She let out a sigh and started to report. "There's no doubt she was brutally raped, and more than once. But it's more than that. From what I've been able to gather Galnek used a device that can stimulate specific emotions." Carolyn sighed again. "It's like Vala lost the ability to buffer her emotions. She was only able to feel and think about the emotion Galnek wanted her to experience." The thought nearly made Carolyn shudder. The mind was such a delicate thing. She didn't want to speculate too far into what had happened to Vala. The truth seemed far too ruthless. "Right now she can't seem to feel anything but grief. It's like she's been forcefully put into a severe depression and has forgotten everything else, almost like an emotional amnesia. The side effects may die down with time but without knowing exactly what the device does I can't say anything for sure."

There was a long silence. All four men had very stern looks on their faces. Carolyn didn't want to even wonder what they were thinking about.

"Her wrist worries me the most. The markings indicate that someone tried to chew off the hand." Carolyn wasn't about to speculate who had done it, but seeing Vala in this condition she didn't have to think too hard. "The wrist is infected, and if it doesn't clear up we might have to remove the hand anyway."

The 'anyway' made everyone silently wince.

"Can we see her?" Daniel asked after awhile.

Carolyn shook her head. "She's still a bit dazed. And I don't think she really wants men around right now."

They all nodded as if they had the capacity to understand. But Carolyn could see how much Daniel was hurting.

"Give it a few days," Carolyn said. "We'll see how it goes."

That didn't seem to cheer any of them up.

"At least she safe now," Daniel muttered under his breath. He got up and left the briefing room.

Daniel walked back to his room. He'd been such an idiot. He felt so small. How could he have thought… that Vala would hurt him? He hadn't noticed how much he'd hurt her.

On the cargoship he had seen her moment of hesitation. That look that said 'I can't trust you anymore'. And he knew it wasn't because of Galnek, well at least not totally because of Galnek. He had caused her pain.

Maybe it was too late now. Maybe Vala would never feel safe around him again. But he was going to work at it. Damn it he was. Because he finally understood why he was so scared. He finally understood what he had been trying to tell her. He loved her, and he was ready to admit it now.


	10. That itch at the back of your mind

Vala woke up her head finally feeling clear. She smelled something familiar. It wasn't really a pleasant smell, not really a smell at all. Sterile, but still familiar and oddly comforting. She cautiously opened her eyes. She looked around. She remembered this place. She almost smiled as she looked around the room. There was a name for this place. Another thought tickled the back of her mind. She nodded absently. She was home.

Carolyn came over to her quickly. "Vala?"

"Hello," Vala said quietly. Her throat felt better though still painful. "How long have I been here?"

Carolyn smiled softly. "About four days now. You've been awake a couple of times."

Vala nodded, she almost remembered that. "How long was I gone?"

"A little over three days," Carolyn said weakly.

There was a silence. "Hurts to talk," Vala explained when she saw Carolyn looking concerned.

Carolyn's smile seemed to grow. Vala liked smiles. She could almost remember what that felt like. Happiness. It was like an itch far off in her mind. She tried to grab it but it was like grasping for an oily slab of wet soap.

"How are you feeling?" Carolyn asked finally, her smile fading a touch.

Vala nodded to herself. Yes, nice way to make someone feel better. Frown. "Better." She didn't want to say more. She wasn't sure she could without bursting into tears. Still she was feeling better. Anything was better than Galnek.

"If your feeling up to it I'd like to bring someone in for you to talk to," Carolyn said a little awkwardly. Vala was a friend. She hated to see her like this.

Vala shook her head quickly. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about what had happened. She didn't want to talk to the kinds of people Carolyn was talking about.

Carolyn saw the half-panicked look in Vala's eyes. She thought maybe there was another route to healing. "The guys were asking if they could come and see you," Carolyn said nonchalantly.

"Which guys?" Vala asked slowly, weary of the answer.

"Well all of them," Carolyn said. "But Daniel in particular," she added softly.

Daniel. Vala wasn't sure what she had decided about him. Daft and silly Daniel. Would he hurt her again? Maybe she was hurting herself. She loved her Daniel. Friend or foe she needed him. Lover or enemy it was all the same.

She felt odd when she remembered his name or when she said it aloud. Daniel. Yes it was a feeling akin to joy. Daniel. But why did she feel like crying again. Daniel.

Vala just nodded. "Daniel," she said at last.


	11. The Road to Recovery

Carolyn pulled him aside before she let him go in. "Now you have to be gentle," she told him. "She can't talk much so don't press her to speak. Don't touch her, unless she asks you to. If you have to, go for something neutral, like her hand." She stared at him and did a double take. "And don't look so guilty."

'Ahh,' Daniel thought. 'To hear the nag of a woman.'

Carolyn hit him and just stared.

"Did I say that aloud?"

Carolyn shook her head and backed away. Daniel took a few steps towards Vala's bed. He wasn't sure he was ready for this. Ready to see his Vala. His damaged and sick Vala. He just prayed to whatever higher beings would listen that he could help her get better.

When he saw her he nearly lost his breath. Again the need to pummel something was prevailing over all his other logical senses. But then he realized, there she was, sound asleep. She was here. She was safe. Somehow that made it easier for him to approach. Vala! His Vala!

Her eyes fluttered while he stood by her side almost as if she could smell him. He wanted to stroke her cheek or move the strand of hair in her eyes, but he didn't. H was about to say something when she opened her eyes, and saw him. Standing there tall and beautiful. And for the first time in days Vala remembered how to feel something other than grief.

"Daniel?" she asked cautiously. Maybe she was dreaming. This would be the best way for Galnek to trick her. Subdue her into happiness before taking it all away again.

"Hi Vala," he said the words so softly. She knew for sure. This wasn't a dream. It was Daniel. It was really Daniel! "Are you feeling any better?"

She gave him a nod. She smiled, and gave him a soft laugh. She lifted herself up from the pillows and stared at him. She turned so she could look at him head to toe, her torso lined up with his. She wanted to reach out and stroke his cheek like she had a hundred times before, but he looked different so she hesitated. Something had changed, and she didn't think it was necessarily something bad.

Daniel slowly, almost hesitantly took her hand in his. And before Vala knew it she was crying again, balling. She wrapped her arms around Daniel and sobbed into his shoulder. And he gave her what she needed. He held her tight.

She had never felt more secure. She was safe in Daniel's arms. He was all she needed. It didn't take her too long to stop crying. She wiped her tears on his shoulder and rested her head.

He started to pull away, but she gripped him tighter. He didn't let go. He couldn't let go. It had taken him long enough. He wasn't ever going to let her go.


	12. Never Ever

Carolyn came back to the room, expecting to see a docile Daniel talking to an emotional depressed Vala. The sight she got to see was much different. Daniel and Vala were locked in an embrace. And Vala, despite her earlier diagnosis, was actually smiling.

A nurse walked by, "They've been like that since you left."

Carolyn looked at the nurse in disbelief. "That was over an hour ago!" He just shrugged and went back to his work. Cautiously Carolyn decided to approach the pair.

"Hi there," Carolyn said, giving them a wave.

Daniel looked up at her. "Hi," he responded softly. Vala didn't move. "Is she asleep?" he asked in a whisper.

"Not asleep," Vala said in a hoarse but childish voice.

"Well the General's been looking for Daniel," Carolyn said softly. "Maybe you should let him go."

"No mine," Vala responded and squeezed Daniel close. "Never letting go."

Daniel just shrugged. He didn't mind.

"I'll just… I'll…" Carolyn wasn't exactly sure what she'd do. "I'll just tell the General then."

She left them with a shake of her head.

Daniel turned his neck so he could see at least part of Vala's face. "You're going to have to let go eventually."

"No," she responded in the same childlike voice. "Never going to let go."

"Vala?" He didn't know what he was asking her. There were some things that he just didn't want to know. But he let her name hang between them, letting her take it however she wanted to. He was trying to let her know she could tell him anything.

"It's all black Daniel. Like being buried alive and you're afraid to start digging because you don't know which way's up." She opened her eyes and let her grip loosen. "It hurts so much Daniel. Right here." She moved a hand quickly and patted her chest. "Can't let go. Won't let you go. Never ever." She started to cough from the effort of speech. But she didn't let go of Daniel; she was never letting go. "Hurt's to talk."

Daniel let out a silent sigh of regret. She was so fragile. "Vala," Daniel started slowly. The way he said her name sent chills through Vala's body. She liked it but it was all together something she didn't understand, not yet. "I want you to know…" he paused. He didn't want to tell her too much. He didn't want to push things too far. "I need you to know, I care. I've always cared about you Vala."

Daniel felt her start to shake and squeezed her closer. "Vala I've been and idiot."

Vala wanted to laugh. Any conversation with Daniel that started with a confession like that was a one she was bound to enjoy. Damn straight he'd been an idiot. Vala nodded his head drowsily. She let out a yawn and closed her eyes.

Daniel sighed. He'd gone this far. "I don't know why I was doing it Vala," he told her. "I was pushing you away." Vala could think of a few reasons why, the top of which was that 'he was an idiot' but he knew that now so she decided to refrain from voicing that just this instant to save what little voice she had left for when it was really needed. She started to fade away and his voice became more distant. "Thing is Vala. I don't know exactly when it happened or how, but… somewhere along the road I feel in love with you." Daniel could feel warm tears forming in his eyes. "I don't know why I said the things I did. I hurt you and you have no idea how terrible that makes me feel." He paused. He had to say it; he had to tell her everything. "Truth is Vala, I'm damaged. I'm a stupid damaged idiot. It's like I was shattered and pieces of me were thrown about. And I didn't realize you were the one putting my pieces back together until I thought it was too late." He held her tight. "I don't ever plan on leaving you Vala."

He lifted his head slightly so he could see her face. He sighed deeply. She'd fallen asleep. He shook his head and started to lower her onto the bed. He kissed her lightly on the forehead. He started to move away when her hands started to carelessly reach out for him. He sighed again and softly got onto the bed beside her.

'Just for a minute,' he told himself.

He stared at her face only inches from him. He gave her a light kiss on the lips before closing his own eyes. Vala wrapped and arm around him. Daniel did the same to her.

"I thought I'd lost you," he whispered silently.

Before Daniel could realize how tired worry had made him, he was asleep.


	13. Five more minutes

Mitchell and Teal'c walked in on a rather odd sight. Daniel and Vala were… spooning???… on one of the beds in the infirmary. Mitchell stood speechless and Teal'c smiled knowingly.

"Did I miss something?" Mitchell asked, not really asking Teal'c in particular, more like asking anyone who might possibly have an answer.

Teal'c didn't respond but he went over and lightly tapped Daniel on the shoulder. Daniel shifted around and hugged Vala closer. Mitchell stared still quite dazed by the whole idea. Teal'c tapped Daniel again.

"Five more minutes," Daniel mumbled without opening his eyes.

"Jackson!" Mitchell finally yelled.

Daniel jumped awake. Before he realized what he was doing he had torn himself away from Vala. Somehow, despite all the shaking and the noise she didn't wake. Daniel sat up and stared.

"What's up?" Daniel asked rubbing his eyes.

"Something you want to explain," Mitchell asked, pointing to the bed.

Daniel looked confused for a moment then realized exactly what was going on. "Ahh well…" Daniel wasn't exactly sure how to put this. His face turned red. He was embarrassed that he'd fallen asleep on the bed. "What time is it?"

"Eight in the morning," Mitchell told him.

Daniel shook his head. He'd been here all night. He looked down at Vala. She looked peaceful. Still he felt odd having slept with her in his arms. It was something he was going to have to adjust to.

"Vala's decided I'm not to leave her side. That is to say…she wouldn't sleep unless I stayed here… And frankly…" he paused. How bad could it be? "I didn't care… I was actually happy she wanted me here. Because well…" Damn he wished Sam were here. She might laugh and make fun of him but she would understand. "I love her. So yes… I spent the night here… with Vala…" He looked up at Mitchell. For good measure he added, "Sleeping."

Mitchell started to cough profusely. Teal'c just smiled.

"I am very glad for you DanielJackson."

"Yeah sure," Mitchell said. It took him a moment to recovery. He was smiling; apparently he had choked on his own laughter. "Congratulations or whatever."

There was a pause, a long pause.

"Sooooo," Mitchell finally broke in. "Did you tell her how we broke her out?" Mitchell was excited, exhilarated. He'd be telling that story until the day he died.

Daniel gave him a look. "No."

"Why not?" Mitchell asked a little annoyed. "It's an awesome story!"

Daniel just shook his head. "Didn't really come up. And I would refrain from mentioning the whole incident if you could." Daniel wasn't sure Mitchell could. "Vala doesn't need to be reminded of what's happened." Daniel was stern. He was telling Mitchell if he crossed that line he'd basically kill him.

Mitchell looked to Teal'c for support. "Come on T!" Mitchell almost looked like he was going to get down and beg. "Don't you want credit for the awesomeness you brought about?"

Teal'c looked at him, his face almost blank. "Seeing ValaMalDoran well is all the credit I need."

Finally Mitchell relented. "Well fine if you're going to be that way." It wasn't that he disagreed with them. He just needed to get all the colorful details off his chest.

There was another pause; all three men staring into space.

"Can I at least tell Sam?"

Daniel and Teal'c let out very long sighs.


	14. Ashamed

Sam arrived as scheduled to pick up her new recruits and report in. Daniel left a sleeping Vala and went to fetch Sam.

Sam was surprised and a little more than upset to discover what had been going on while she had been traveling.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Sam asked, angry at finding out, a little over a week later, that Vala had been kidnapped.

Daniel shrugged. "Vala didn't want to worry you." It seemed like an easy enough answer. "I think… I think she's kind of ashamed about what happened."

"Ashamed?" Sam asked, outraged at the thought.

Daniel shrugged again. "I don't think she's ashamed at what happened more that she let it happen." Daniel didn't really want to believe that Vala felt that way but somehow he knew it was true. "I think she's ashamed she let her guard down. She didn't think about trouble going off world." Daniel felt a little angry with her for that. Angry that she had been so foolish, angry that he'd been foolish too. But he put his anger aside. Vala felt bad enough without him adding to her lot.

Sam shook herself. "Vala can be absent minded at times," Sam half-agreed. "But I don't think she's at fault for what happened."

They'd been through enough with Vala. They all knew she was no Saint. Her spontaneity and only half-thought through plans had some times led to disaster or near disaster, then again other times they'd led to wonderful success.

"Aside from that is she okay?" Sam asked worried for her friend. They were walking to the infirmary. Sam wanted to be prepared.

"Dr. Lam is still worried about her wrist," Daniel said. Dr. Lam would be leaving in a few days. Vala said she didn't mind, but Daniel felt like he was being abandoned. "The wounds are worse then she thought. Vala still hasn't regained feeling or movement in the hand." Vala wouldn't talk about her hand. She wouldn't even look at it. Sometimes Daniel thought Vala wanted to lose the hand. "But aside from that she's better then expected."

Sam coughed suddenly and bogusly. "Cam was saying you… and she…"

Daniel looked at her a little surprised. "Well Vala's been pretty insistent about not letting me out of her sight… and I've told her that I love her… though she was asleep at the time… But yes well… I…"

Sam was giggling. "I was wondering when you were going to figure things out."

Daniel tried not to blush. "Well we were on a team together. And I wasn't thinking of Vala so much as a woman as… a colleague… but now things are… different."

Sam laughed lightly and patted him on the back. "You've got nothing to hide behind anymore."

It was true. He had no defense, and he didn't need one. Before he would have denied everything. It would have been easy. They were friends. They worked together. There was nothing between them but mutual admiration. He didn't think of her that way. It was just a game. Daniel suddenly realized how ridiculous all those excuses sounded.

Daniel shook his head. "Well the barriers have been removed. We're moving on. We're starting fresh."

Sam nodded. They were all starting fresh.

They entered the infirmary where Vala was supposed to be sleeping. Instead they found Vala sitting on the bed crying. Daniel quickly jumped to her side.

"What is it?" Daniel asked sitting down on bed and holding Vala close.

Vala didn't say anything. She just put her head on his chest and balled her eyes out.

Sam approached and starting rubbing Vala's back up and down. Vala looked so pale. She looked so weak. This was not the Vala Sam had heard from months ago. This was not the woman who was ready to move on and live life on her own. Sam felt something terrible in the pit of her stomach. What had really happened?

"Shhh," Daniel said. "Don't worry. You're not alone."


	15. Uncertainty

Daniel decided he wasn't going to let Vala out of his sight again. Even being gone for five or ten minutes would send her into tears. She would get a glazed look over her face almost as if she had forgotten where she was. Daniel didn't like seeing her that, no one did.

After an hour or so, Vala returned to normal, or as normal as she could be. She talked to Sam as if nothing had changed. She tried to be bright and perky. Daniel could see through her. Her eyes were sad and her smile not all true. Sam sat diligently and answered her questions. When Teal'c and Mitchell showed up Vala's mood shifted slightly but she kept the façade going.

"It's like getting the team back together," Mitchell remarked. Everyone gave him glazed over glares. Every time Mitchell would mention 'getting the team back together' they would all try to glare at him. It was a running joke. They all knew that time in their lives had past, even Mitchell knew it. Though he didn't let on.

"So who ya feeling buttercup?" Mitchell asked Vala.

Vala started to answer when Sam interrupted. "Buttercup?"

"It's a term of endearment," Mitchell said folding his arms. "You know… It's for friends." He looked at Sam. "Why I call Teal'c Buttercup all the time."

The conversation went on. Teal'c told them about his struggles to keep the Jaffa community together. Sam told them about her troubles on Atlantis. Vala sat still listening but not commenting. Every so often she would look over at Daniel. Daniel didn't know what she was trying to tell him. He slowly sat down next to her and held her hand. She leaned into him and sighed softly.

The conversation abruptly stopped.

"This is just weird," Mitchell told them. "You guys aren't… bickering."

Sam averted her eyes and covered her smile.

Daniel opened his mouth to speak but it was Teal'c who spoke next. "I do believe DanielJackson and ValaMalDoran will continue to bicker. It is fundamental to their relationship."

Vala suddenly nodded. "Life would be no fun if I didn't get to annoy Daniel," she said the words with a smile. She snaked an arm around one of Daniel's. "Still things will be a little different now that I've finally gotten Daniel into my bed."

Everyone smiled, that is everyone except Daniel. "Hey I was just… giving my support," Daniel said defending himself half-heartedly.

"Uh huh," Sam said mockingly. "That's not what you were saying earlier."

Daniel blushed and starting rubbing his forehead. He needed to think of a way out of this. Vala nudged him. "Stop being so silly," she told him. "I was just joking."

Daniel smiled. He knew that. But it did set off some other thoughts. What was he going to do when she got out of the infirmary? He knew he wasn't exactly ready to be moving into her bed permanently. He still felt restricted being on the base, where there were so many military taboos that he couldn't keep his head straight. He would have to think of something.

"So what are your plans now Daniel?" Sam asked, trying to avert the subject. "Last I heard you were packing for an off world Ancient archeological dig?"

Daniel suddenly remembered what reality he was living in. He'd been a part of something for so long, but the time it took for him to understand that had seemed like forever. Seven years he'd felt like a wanderer. And now years later, was he going to be that wanderer again? Was Vala going to be the center of his life? Did having Vala mean giving up other parts of his life he loved? There were too many questions and he didn't have answers. He hadn't thought of how hard life would be if he accepted Vala into it.

"I don't know right now," Daniel said, trying not to sound disappointed. "The digs not going anywhere."

Vala took her arm away from him and placed it on her lap. Daniel realized what she was trying to do, so he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He wasn't going to let her create distance.

Slowly everyone filed out so it was just Daniel and Vala again. Vala wouldn't look at him. Something was telling her there was danger lurking close by.

"What are we going to do Daniel?" She hadn't realized she said 'we' until the question was out of her mouth. She looked up at him suddenly.

Daniel just smiled. "Well right now, we're going to have lunch."

Vala smiled, as Daniel grabbed trays of food from the two approaching workmen. Still it was going to worry her all day, all night, maybe even all the time. How long would Daniel keep this going before he realized he wanted something else?


	16. Oh Sam it was amazing!

Sam walked towards the commissary with Mitchell and Teal'c.

"She looks pretty bad," Sam said after a while.

Mitchell shook his head. "She's better then when we first found her."

Sam found that hard to believe. "Do you have any idea what happened?"

They tried to explain what they understood, which turned out to be very little. All the comfort they could really share was in their worry for Vala. It hurt to see her like this.

"And what's with the wrist?" Sam asked. "Daniel wouldn't say much."

Mitchell and Teal'c looked dubiously at each other. "We think…." Teal'c began but found he was unable to finish his thought.

"We think she might have tried to chew it off," Mitchell told Sam. "We don't really know why? Or even how she managed to do it? But that's what Carolyn's report said."

Sam shivered. Obviously the three of them didn't even have the ability to imagine what had happened to Vala, not they would want to.

"So who else finds Daniel's behavior totally amusing?" Sam asked changing the subject abruptly.

Mitchell smiled and gave his head a slight shake. "I just think it's so weird," he told her. "I mean I know their friends and all… And I love them both in a completely platonic sense… But it just doesn't seem… right."

Sam wasn't sure she believed it either. "Well Daniel confessing his love; Vala being attached to Daniel at the hip; Daniel actually having no problem being attached to Vala at the hip; maybe they have some kind of fever?"

"Well Daniel at least," Mitchell said with a sarcastic smile.

"I do believe DanielJackson and ValaMalDoran have a great capacity to love each another," Teal'c told them with that all knowing voice he used just a little more often these days. "I believe until now their relationship has merely lacked a physical consummation of the feelings they have aspired to."

Mitchell and Sam just looked at each other. They could accept Teal'c insight, but they still thought it was weird. Daniel and Vala doing anything physical in that way?? Sam and Mitchell just thought it was strange.

"So did Daniel tell you about the amazing break out?" Mitchell asked casually.

"Uh," Sam said knowing she was about to get an ear full. "Didn't come up."

Mitchell suddenly looked like he was about to jump around.

"Well we got their right…. The three of us ready to barter, no weapons, no real defenses, just Galnek's word. And the wham… oh Sam it was amazing."


	17. Amazing Escape: part one

Mitchell and Teal'c were holding back a crazed Daniel. They had offered everything to Galnek, everything, even their cargoship, Daniel had even offered to switch places with Vala. Galnek had thought the switch unreasonable. He said their offer was only worth half of what Vala was worth to him. Laughing, Galnek had offered them half of Vala.

Which was why Mitchell and Teal'c were holding Daniel back. Daniel was ready to go for Galnek's throat.

Galnek didn't even flinch.

"You bastard!" Daniel yelled at him.

"Ahh Daniel," Mitchell said gripping Daniel's arm with both his hands. "Not really helping here.

"You weren't ever going to give her up were you?" Daniel continued despite Mitchell's remark. "You bastard! Why the hell did you even let us come if all you wanted to do was mock us?"

Galnek smiled but he had stopped laughing. He looked smug, but not amused. He rose from his spot and looked at one of his men. "Escort them back to their ship."

Two men approached to remove the three friends from the room. Suddenly Teal'c pulled something out of his pocket and clicked a button.

"I do not believe we have finished." Teal'c sounded serious, his voice strong. Everyone turned to stare at him, even Daniel and Mitchell looked surprised. "I believe you will find three Motherships have just dropped out of hyperspace." Teal'c was talking to Galnek.

One of Galnek's men went over and whispered in Galnek's ear. Galnek turned slowly. He smiled and pointed to Teal'c. "I like you. You have back bone."

Still Galnek did even flinch. He asked them for one of the motherships, all the Naquadah, and their cargoship in exchange for Vala.

Teal'c pushed another button. "I do not believe that deal is satisfactory."

Moments later the satellite was flooded with Jaffa. Galnek's men were quickly disarmed. Galnek was knocked out in the scuffle. A voice came over a radio and contact Teal'c. "We have located the woman."

"Where?" Daniel shouted.

They were directed and the three of them were off running quick. They had to find Vala. The Jaffa were saying that something was wrong.


	18. Amazing Escape: part two

They found Vala passed out on the floor of a very cold, very empty room. She was naked and covered in blood. Looking at her, Daniel couldn't tell if she was breathing. Teal'c quickly bent down and felt for a pulse.

"She is still alive," Teal'c said looking up and Daniel and Mitchell. "We must stop this bleeding."

Daniel couldn't say exactly where the bandages had come from but he soon found himself trying to wind Vala's wrist very tightly with the cloth bands. He rapped a bandage above the wound and tired to restrict the flow of blood. She looked so pale, and she looked helpless. Her skin was cold to the touch. He took off his jacket and rapped her up. Daniel's heart was pounding in his throat. He could taste blood as he wandered off in search off Galnek.

Daniel found however that Teal'c was holding him back. "Galnek has a great debt to pay to the Jaffa DanielJackson," Teal'c tried to explain. Even though Daniel could only imagine what the Jaffa would do the bastard, the thought didn't comfort him. "We should concern ourselves with ValaMalDoran."

Daniel collected himself. He bent over Vala and smiled. He could protect her now. He picked her up and started to walk back to safety. Some of Galnek's men had broken free of the Jaffa and were trying to stop them from escaping. Daniel held onto Vala with all his strength as Teal'c and Mitchell fought through the mess.

"We're not going to make it to the rings!" Daniel yelled over the crowd.

Mitchell kept fighting as he responded to Daniel. "That's right Daniel. Be optimistic!"

Daniel shook his head, but things were not looking good. "What about Galnek?" Daniel nearly spat when he said the name. "If he's escaped it might rally his men?"

"He has not escaped DanielJackson," Teal'c reassured him.

Actually at that moment Galnek was being haled over to his torture devise. These Jaffa had more then a debt to get from Galnek. They wanted some satisfaction. Many of them having experienced the devise were more then willingly to watch the man suffer.

Daniel, still worried, had to put Vala down to assist his friends as they came under fire. "What are we going to do?" Daniel asked as he crouched down and fired at the coming men.

Suddenly the men came under fire from behind. Soon faced with rallying Jaffa, Daniel, Mitchell and Teal'c tired to get out of the way. One of them stopped and addressed them.

"I suggest you get to your ship and get clear of the satellite," the Jaffa told them. He turned quickly, not leaving them time to ask him why.

They didn't stop. Daniel picked Vala up and they started to run for the rings.

"She weighs more then I remember," Daniel muttered as they ran.

Mitchell scoffed. "I don't want to know where those memories come from."

Daniel just shook his head. This wasn't the time to be making jokes, bad jokes as it were, but still.

They got to their rings and onto their ship as quick as they could. Daniel laid Vala in the back. He looked at her face and wiped a strained of hair from her face. She looked so weak. She didn't look like that normally mischievously sleeping Vala he remembered.

He used what First Aid skills he had and tried to repair her wrist. Years on SG-1 had taught him that stitches were something he needed to know, but this was way beyond his skill. He cared for her wrist with great care. She had lost a lot of blood and her skin looked pale. Daniel's eyes started to fill with tears as he put new bandages on her wounds.

He pulled out BDUs and dressed her. He was gentle, she felt so fragile in his hands. He laid out a soft mattress and put her head under a pillow. He covered her with a blanket. He smiled. She was safe, or at least as she always was.

He didn't realize that tears were streaming his face. He shook his head and almost laughingly wiped his eyes.

Regaining his composure, he joined Mitchell and Teal'c in the forward room. He had an odd feeling Vala might be a little alarmed if he was there when she woke up. Before the door closed behind him, he looked at Vala. He felt so ashamed that he had let this happen. But still he didn't feel guilty, not the kind of guilt he wanted to feel.

Realizing they had already entered hyperspace, Daniel wondered how long he'd been in the back with Vala. "How we doing?" Daniel asked as he took his seat in the front.

Mitchell looked at him with that smile he got after he got to kick some ass. "Well we're on our way!"

"The Jaffa?" Daniel asked.

"I believe they will be satisfied," Teal'c told him, almost smiling.

"What about Galnek?" Daniel asked, despite the pit in his stomach that was containing his anger.

"I don't think he will be bothering us again," Teal'c assured him.

Daniel didn't know exactly what that meant. Still it made him feel at least a little better.


	19. Cursed?

Mitchell knew it wasn't the most incredible escape he'd ever participated in but the new intergalactic peace had made him rather bored of late. Being the galaxies police force was interesting in other ways, but the adventure had somewhat dissipated. He stared at Sam all smiles. Sam, sitting across from him in the commissary, stared back. He looked like a kid.

"So basically," Sam said trying to find the words to summarize Mitchell's tale. "The Jaffa saved your ass."

Mitchell stared at her. "Well when you put it that way," Mitchell said disappointed. It wasn't that he wanted to be a hero, he just missed the days when his job had a little less stability. Most of the SGC had concluded that he'd gone insane. "But the whole satellite blowing up? A battle in the stars? I mean there could be controversy in that region for years!" Mitchell paused realizing he sounded excited. "I didn't realize how much I missed it."

Sam smiled. "Looking for a transfer?"

Mitchell shook his head. "I said I missed it," he told her quickly. "Doesn't mean I can't adjust to not having my life in peril every time I go through that gate."

Sam laughed. "Well you're still the leader of SG-1," she told him reassuringly. "Disaster is bound to follow you around."

This seemed to cheer Mitchell up a touch. "So what do you think is going to happen with those two?" Mitchell asked pointing a finger to somewhere near the infirmary.

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. I'm afraid they're both going to get hurt."

"Well if he hurts Vala," Mitchell said with a half-joking, half serious smile. "I'll kick his ass. Then again if she hurts Daniel… yeah I'd kick her ass too." Then he looked at Teal'c, "But that's not going to happen is it T?"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Why do you assume I have the ability to answer that question accurately?"

Mitchell and Sam smiled knowingly. Teal'c got that look every so often, something that said those years he'd spent on the Odyssey were adding to his insight.

"You've been dropping hints," Sam told him with a smile.

Teal'c looked at her, his look not changing. "I have only given my opinion when asked."

Mitchell laughed. "Well I know there's bound to be a few bumps in their road," Mitchell said with a big-brother sort of tone. "Daniel's too much of an idiot to figure it out in one go."

"Vala's too detached to be serious about it," Sam told him. "It's not like either one of them has a very good track record when it comes to love and spouses."

Mitchell nodded. "Their lovers either end up dead, controlled by the forces of evil, or lose totally their memories and totally forget they've fallen in love."

Teal'c smiled as he looked at them. He'd heard this conversation before. As much as he knew things were different from the timeline on the Odyssey, some things just never changed.

"Maybe they've picked up some kind of curse?" Sam joked.

"Yeah," Mitchell agreed with a smile. "If they kiss you disastrous events will occur."

Sam shook her head. "It would explain a lot wouldn't it? Every time Vala kissed someone a sun would explode, or you would mysteriously go back in time, or an ancient evil would emerge from it's slumber."

Mitchell gave a short sigh. "I think your talking about a different curse."

Sam cocked her head. "Oh… right."

"Still doesn't it worry you?" Mitchell asked. He pointed back to infirmary. "You know them?"

Sam just shook her head. "I don't really think Vala and Daniel kissing will make any suns explode, let alone Vala and Daniel just comforting each other for a while." She paused and then laughed. "I knew there was a reason I never thought of Daniel that way," she said looking at Mitchell with an arrogant smirk. "It was survival."

At this point Teal'c couldn't contain himself anymore. He started to roar with laughter. It was like the conversation he had heard years ago, almost word for word. Both Sam and Mitchell stared at Teal'c confused. Teal'c tried to get control of himself.

"Excuse me," he muttered getting up. If he stayed any longer he was going to have to tell them why it was so funny. Chuckling he walked into the hall. "Cursed? HA!"

Then again maybe it was true. Vala and Daniel were cursed. The last time they'd fallen in love, they'd died, reverted back to their former selves and forgotten everything. The two of them together could either increase the power of the curse or cure it. Still somehow Sam, Mitchell and Teal'c couldn't help but feel that danger was lurking not too far away.


	20. I want to be alone

"Daniel I'm fine," Vala said, batting his hands away. "I just… I'm fine." She pushed him off the bed and tried to get up. Daniel reached out his hands and tried to help. Vala waved her hands around and had to take a step backwards to avoid falling. She braced herself against the bed.

"Will you just stop?!" Vala yelled at him. "I'm fine."

"Vala Dr. Lam said…"

"Carolyn's crazy. I want to get out of here. I want to be back in my own room. And I don't want to attached to all these stupid machines!" She yelled at him. She started to pull of the chords attached to her, pulling out IVs and making a machine suddenly flat line.

Daniel tried to stop her. "You're not fine!" Daniel was being very adamant. He knew all her tricks. Vala could almost smile about it, but she just wanted to get to her own bed so she could cry in privacy. "You've been having nightmares. You're wrist is infected. You can't even stand up on your own."

Vala glared at him and tired to step towards the door. She stumbled and he caught her. "Vala!" He yelled in concern. A nurse finally ran over to help him get her back into bed.

"You need to talk Vala. You need to tell me what's going on so I can help." Daniel pleaded. The nurse started to plug Vala back in. Vala wanted to slap the nurse around but she suddenly felt really tired.

"I need you to leave me alone," Vala told him, suddenly feeling miserable. "I don't need you. I don't need anyone." She sat up straight and crossed her arms. "I just need to be alone." Her voice was soft, and Daniel could feel her pain.

Despite this statement Daniel stayed with her. He knew that the worst thing he could do now was to leave her. "I'm not leaving Vala."

She glared at him. Her eyes felt heavy. If she fell asleep now she would definitely lose the argument. "Daniel," her voice was still pleading despite her desire for rage. "I want to be alone!" She was starting to tear up. She hated that she couldn't control herself for five minutes. She hated that everything now came back to her inability to hide emotion. She'd never be able to lie again.

"Tell me what's going," Daniel pleaded taking her hand.

She looked into his eyes. He looked so sincere. "You don't want to know."

"Yes," Daniel said giving her hand a squeeze. "I do."

Vala looked at him. He meant it. She cried, starting to sob. "Daniel, you'll… what you'll think…."

Daniel almost laughed. She'd never cared what he thought before. "Whatever it is Vala," Daniel said smiling, "There's no way it will change what I think of you."

She smiled. Daniel reached up and wiped her tears with his thumps. She didn't stop crying though. Looking into his eyes, she told him everything. Starting from the very beginning. She told him about her home and her past life. She told him about her years as a pirate and a runaway. And she told him about Galnek. Hours went by and she talked and told him everything she'd ever held back. She told him about her imprisonment, about the pain.

When she was done she found she was in his arms, crying. And Daniel was rubbing her back and mumbling something. She didn't hear him though. She fell asleep there, in his arms. And for the first time in many days, she actually slept peacefully.


	21. First time in a while

About a week later Sam and Dr. Lam were getting ready to go. Sam came by to see Vala before she left.

"How ya feeling?" Sam asked softly taking a seat. Daniel had gone off to talk to the new doctor leaving her and Vala alone.

Vala smiled. "Much better." It wasn't totally true but close enough. "Carolyn says my hand should be alright if I keep it clean and dry and practice the exercises." She showed Sam her wrist, which by the standards of two weeks had healed well. Only Daniel knew what had really happened with her wrist, and she planned on keeping it that way. "You excited to be going back?"

Sam smiled half-heartedly. "I am and I'm not."

Vala tilted her head prompting Sam to continue.

"It's a different kind of command," Sam told her. "Sometimes it's hard to accept the consequences of your actions."

"Nothing to hide behind?" Vala asked, knowing the feeling.

Sam shrugged. "There's the uniform. Nah it's all good," Sam said waving away her doubts. "You know constant peril, new technology, big burly men who have to do whatever I ask…"

Vala smiled. "I could get used to that." She paused. "The men not the peril."

Sam laughed. "Haven't you got enough men to boss around here?" She pointed to the approaching Daniel.

Vala smiled softly. "You know how stubborn they can be though."

Sam laughed again.

"What?" Daniel asked as he reached them. "What's so funny?"

Vala and Sam just looked at each other and smiled.

"You'll keep me up to date?" Sam asked Vala.

Vala nodded and gave Sam a hug. "Let's walk her to the lift Daniel."

Daniel looked at her skeptically but helped her out of bed. Vala used Daniel for support and walked Sam out. As soon as Sam left, Vala leaned on Daniel with a smile. She started to cry but tried to hide it from him.

"Hey," Daniel said when he saw the look on her face. "Are you okay?"

She laughed softly. "I think for the first time in a while I actually am." She lifted her face and gave Daniel a light kiss on the check.

Daniel was ready to lift her into his arms and carry her away. Under the circumstances though he thought maybe helping her back to bed and eating dinner with her would be for the best. He watched Vala eat her jello. The feeling of her kiss still lingered on his check. He wanted to kiss her there and then. Still he held back, not knowing if that would be safe.

They played cards and went for a few more walks. Vala held onto his arm and watched his glowing face. She tired to push aside the doubt she felt. This was her Daniel, and despite the past she was sure he loved her.

She was ready for bed, and like every other night Daniel was going to stay with her. "You know you don't have to stay if you don't want to," she told him abruptly.

Daniel wasn't sure what she meant. He gave her an odd look. "I want to."

She wasn't sure he was telling the truth. "I can sleep on my own." She didn't want Daniel to think she was dependent on him. He was her friend, and she loved him. Maybe staying with her now would just be awkward. She was healed, at least enough to sleep on her own. He had helped her. That didn't mean he had to stay with her now.

Daniel wasn't sure if she wanted him to leave. "I'd rather stay," he said but took a step back. "But if you'd rather be alone…"

"Are you sure Daniel?" Vala asked. This was nothing like the Daniel she knew. That Daniel would have hated other people watching him in this little courtship game, if that's really what was going on. "I don't want you to feel obligated. Because I know that you don't want to…"

He stopped her by cupping her chin in his hand. "Vala I want to," he told her softly. "I want to stay with you and I want to be near you. I want you." He stared into her eyes, she looked doubtful. "I could care less what anyone else thinks. I've figured it out Vala…. I'm sorry it took me this long."

She smiled and stared at him. "Can you do something for me Daniel?"

Daniel smiled. "What?" he tried to hide his worry. If she had to ask…

"Kiss me." She looked right into his eyes when she asked.

Daniel was more then happy to oblige. He kissed her softly on the lips. Her response however prompted a little bit more force. Before he knew what he was doing his hands were wondering down Vala's back and she was using one hand to fondle him under his shirt. He knew he would have to break this off before it went any further… Just as the thought passed his mind he felt Vala put a hand on his chest giving him a slight push. Daniel backed off.

"Sorry," he said softly. He rested his forehead on hers. He was breathing heavily, and Vala was panting.

She smiled. "Maybe we should save this exchange 'til later?"

She meant sex. She meant sex right? Daniel felt sure of it. For once he didn't think it was weird thinking of her like that. For once he felt like she was being more reasonable then he was. He got in the bed with her and kissed her once more quick and soft.

"I'll hold you to that," he said before he lowered his head to the pillow. He rapped his arms around her. Maybe she was using her vulnerability to get into his bed. Damn it was working. And for once Daniel didn't really mind. If Vala wanted sex, he'd let her have it. He was ready to give her anything. And he was ready to take what she had to offer. Because the truth was, he wanted it too.


	22. Remembering how to love

Daniel helped Vala to her room, comfortably supporting her. She was getting better. Physically she had regained most of her strength. She still couldn't use her hand but her wrist was healing nicely. Emotionally however Daniel wasn't sure how she was progressing.

A few weeks ago he thought things would be okay. He thought she'd get out from under her shell and start to feel happy again. She didn't though. She was starting to become more moody, and her inability to control her emotions was apparent at times. He had walked into the infirmary one day to find Vala throwing things at one of nurses, who had made an off hand remark about Daniel being sweet.

"I can't stop it Daniel," she had tired to explain. "It's like… well I don't know how to explain it… I don't like it Daniel. I want to be me again."

After that she had retreated into herself. She was quiet and didn't pay attention most of the time. She was calm, but Daniel knew her smiles were fakes. She was trying to imitate emotion, imitate her memories of feeling. Daniel didn't like it one bit but he didn't know what to do.

The new doctor, a small man named Greg Devlin, had suggested letting Vala return to her normal room and routine. He also suggested that Vala talk to the base psychiatrist, but Daniel pushed that remark aside.

"She hates psychiatrists," Daniel explained to him. "Thinks they're trying to play tricks on her."

The doctor shrugged. "If she gets back to her regular routine she might have a better time adjusting," he told Daniel. He started to back away then turned. "She's probably not ever going to be the same," he told Daniel with concern. "She's been to hell and back. It's not something she can forget." He saw Daniel's look, a look filled with agony and anxiety for his friend. "Don't judge her success on whether or not she's like the Vala you remember. Judge the process day to day." He patted Daniel on the shoulder. "Believe me Daniel. She's doing amazing, considering what she's had to suffer."

Daniel nodded. He watched the man go. He liked the new doctor. He wasn't a Fraiser or a Lam, but he'd do just fine.

So here he was, walking Vala back to her room. She was cuddled up against him softly, sighing.

"You smell nice," she whispered.

Daniel smiled softly and kissed the top of her head. He opened to door to her room. Vala's smile was amazing. She literally ran from his arms to her bed.

"My bed!" she said. She rolled in the sheets. She hugged her teddy bear and gave him a kiss. She stayed there a minute, her eyes closed.

Daniel just watched. He'd never seen someone so happy over a bed. Leave it to Vala, he thought. He took a step into the room.

She sat up and smiled. "Smell that Daniel!" She sniffed the air.

Daniel smelled the room. It smelt dusty.

"It smells like me!" She got up from the bed and went over to her dresser and then to her closet. "Clothes!" She picked up a pair of red pumps. "I missed you my babies!" She laid her hands across all her shoes as if giving them a hug. "I missed you all!"

Daniel couldn't help but laugh. That is until Vala turned and gave him that look.

"Daniel you're going to have to leave now," she said walking over and giving his chest a little push. "I need some alone time."

"Alone time?" Daniel asked, almost outraged with the thought.

Vala smiled. "I am going to put on every single outfit I own," she told him. "Twice."

Daniel smiled. She sounded like Vala, alright. "Tired of wearing those infirmary scrubs?"

Vala just smiled and continued to push him out the door. "No show for you buster!"

Daniel tried to bat away her hand. "Alright, alright," Daniel said. He didn't really object to getting a show, though he didn't know how to tell Vala that without sounding completely like a… man. "I'll be in my office." Not that he really had work to do. "I'll come by in an hour to get you for lunch."

Vala just nodded. Daniel left closing the door behind him. He lent up against it for a moment. A whole hour without Vala. Usually his mind would be racing with things he could do. Work? No, he didn't have much of that. Not now that he had nonexistent plans to move somewhere else. Reading? But for once Daniel felt like he had read every single book in the known galaxy.

Daniel didn't know what he was going to do. He left Vala's room behind, pouting. He was worried about her yes, but above all else he wanted to know what was going on behind that door.

When Daniel closed the door Vala's smile didn't disappear. She did however crawl into bed and hug her teddy. The sheets were so warm. Her teddy was so soft. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. She didn't want to sleep though.

Her eyes shot open. She got up form bed and went over to her closet. She had to be sure. She opened it up. She stared at her shoes. She wouldn't dare attempt to wear any of those high-heeled shoes in her present state.

"'Shoes?" she didn't know why it was a question. She knew they weren't going to answer back. She stared at them and smiled. Yes, she was sure. She loved her shoes!


	23. A cure for boredom

Vala spent most of the day with Daniel. In truth being with Daniel that often wasn't too far off her real routine. Still there was something missing. She felt like she couldn't be playful with him. She felt like he was holding that back too. He didn't know what buttons to push and what was safe. She didn't want him to think she was trying to cover up her emotions by saying something crude.

In truth it was one of the worst days she'd ever had.

Finally Daniel settled in to do some research. He let Vala have free rain over his computer, though Vala wasn't having much fun. She kept looking over at Daniel. Daniel kept looking over at her. They played the little game for quite some time, until Vala caught on.

"Daniel I think we shoul..."

"Hey guys!" Mitchell interrupted from the door. "Wanna go shoot some hoops?"

Teal'c stood next to him, holding a basketball.

Daniel shook his head before Vala could even open her mouth. "Her wrist's not up to it."

Mitchell gave him an odd look. He looked at Vala for an explanation. She just shrugged. Teal'c didn't move from his spot. Daniel had obviously missed the point.

"Daniel," she said finally. "Would you mind putting on one of those nice tight little t-shirts and heading off to get all sweaty with these fine looking men?" She winked at Teal'c and smiled vivaciously. "I'd love to watch."

Daniel looked at her. He almost scrunched his face up like he used to when he thought she was being difficult. He just sighed and got up from his seat. Vala giggled and lightly clapped her hands. She skipped out of her chair and followed Daniel.

"Meet you there," Mitchell said with a smile and a wink at Vala.

Together Daniel and Vala marched to his room. Daniel looked down at her. "If you were bored why didn't you just say so?"

She blushed. She thought maybe her little plan hadn't been that transparent. "You had work to do and I didn't want to…"

"Not really," Daniel interrupted. "I haven't had any real work for weeks."

"Oh," Vala muttered. Finally she linked arms with him. "This is all so confusing Daniel," she told him and a sigh. "I thought if we ever got…" she didn't want to say involved. She wasn't sure Daniel saw it that way, "to this place… that it would be followed up with a romp in the sac… But really that's the last thing on my mind."

Daniel smiled. It was a huge role reversal for him. Well not really. It's not like Vala was being reasonable in all things… but when it came down to them?

"I mean usually if I was bored we'd go off world or I'd trap you long enough to get your face to scrunch up all cute…"

"What do you mean scrunch up?" Daniel asked giving her a look.

Vala looked at him. "That one! Right there!" She pointed to his face with a smile. She laughed and cuddled up against him. She sighed as they approached his door. "I don't know what to say anymore Daniel." She looked up into his eyes as he opened the door. She followed him inside, not even asking permission. "I'm so confused. I can't get my mind to think straight or even concentrate on one thing." She looked at him again. "But then I look at you… and for a moment…" She paused. She lowered her eyes. "Then I remember and I feel so uncertain and so confused again…"

Daniel grabbed her and pulled her into an embrace. "Just think about me… about us." Daniel held her close. "I will always be here for you." He pulled her away so he could look at her face. He kept his hands on her arms. "Even if you just need to annoy me. Vala I…"

But Daniel didn't have time to finish. He found that he and Vala were liplocked. The shock quickly wore off and he pulled her close and kissed her energetically. Her hands started less then subtly below his waste. They soon wandered up, one resting on his neck, the other resting on his cheek. Daniel however couldn't seem to control his hands. One made it under her shirt and was somehow trying to figure out how to undo her damn bra, while the other was firmly placed on her ass.

She was smiling. Daniel could feel it as he kissed her. Feeling that smile on his lips sent a heated wave through his body. This wasn't the same soft and tame kiss like in the infirmary. Passion and lust were poured into every touch. Still more precious, Daniel kissed her with love.

Vala jumped and wrapped her legs around him. Daniel had to abandon her bra to hold her up. It was at that moment that Daniel realized how quickly his hormones had seized him. He knew if he didn't stop this he was going to carry Vala to that bed only feet away. Feet away? Daniel thought to himself and smiled. Vala pulled away just as he thought it.

She smiled looking into his eyes. She stroked his face with a finger. "Not so bored now." She kissed him lightly on the lips. She pulled back put Daniel caught her lips and kissed her again. Then a little harder, Daniel soon found himself right back to where he had started. Vala however, uncoiled herself and backed off. As much as she would have loved to kiss Daniel all day, she knew if they let this go on they'd end up in a dangerous place.

She backed away from him, her hand against his chest to keep the distance. "Go change," she ordered him.

Daniel rolled his eyes but backed away.

For a second Vala didn't move. "Can I watch?" she asked, with a smile.

Daniel stared at her. Ready to say yes. But before the word could form the word Vala was through the door. He shook his head but smiled.

Vala stood outside his door panting. He'd been ready to do it. Take her to bed. Have his way with her. For a second Vala shivered, her Daniel was ready, but worse then that, she wasn't. She straightened herself out and thought how exactly she was going to tell the man she'd been trying to get into her bed for years, that she didn't want sex. How was she going to tell him that the fantasy she'd been dreaming of all those years now made her shudder? How could she tell him she wasn't ready to give that to him? How could she tell him she might never be ready?


	24. Involved

Daniel came out of his room wearing, as she requests, an almost too tight tank and shorts. She smiled at him and bounced. Daniel smiled and started walking.

"So…" he said after a while. There was an awkward silence growing between them.

Vala didn't say anything. She pretended to be doing wrist exercises. She watched her wrists go up and down, up and down. She avoided looking at Daniel and she didn't take his arm.

"Uh…"

Finally Vala smiled. "You've made things much more difficult," she remarked. "Teasing you isn't going to be half as fun, now that I know you're willing to give in." She almost pouted but relented and flashed him a giant smile. "How will I ever make you squirm?"

Daniel didn't know what to tell her. "I'm pretty sure I'll be just as 'squirmy'." He even used air quotes to illustrate his point. "Just because we're involved doesn't mean I feel comfortable talking about it with… you know… well…"

Vala smile was starting to scare him. He wasn't sure it why? Was she happy because she still had a way to annoy him? "Sometimes Daniel you say the loveliest things." Involved? She thought to herself. That's what Daniel thought. Even that awkward nagging bit that told her to doubt everything seemed silenced when he said the word. "Do you really think that?"

Daniel didn't know what she was talking about. "What do you mea…"

"What took you so long?" Mitchell asked running towards them.

Vala smiled. "Had to find the right shirt?" She pointed to Daniel's top. "Not quite as tight as I wanted, but Daniel's wardrobe is far too modest."

"I'm sure," Mitchell replied sarcastically. "Come on Daniel." Mitchell threw the ball at Daniel. They both ran from Vala to play.

Vala watched from the door. She missed these get-togethers. She hadn't played a game with her team in months, ever since her fight with Daniel. She sighed as she thought about it. What had that fight been about?

If Daniel really felt the way she thought he felt, what had he been so angry about? She was a pest. She knew she was. She liked it that way. But being a pest hadn't justified anything he had said to her.

She went over his words, his tone and she did it without pain. He had been testing her. Daniel had always wanted more then sex, and somehow he had thought that was all she had wanted. He had wanted to make sure she was in it for real.

It was more then that though. He'd been hurt. They'd both been hurt. Having to go through that pain again, Vala didn't even want to imagine.

Being involved as he had put it though? Could she imagine that?

Yes, Vala told her self with a nod. Quite easily.

Had she past his test though? Did he finally understand that she wanted him? Did he really understand how much she cared? Did he trust her?

She wiped away a soft tear from her face. She watched as her Daniel got sweaty, muscles flexing and face smiling. How would she have survived on that planet without him?

She shook her head. She would have survived, but survival wasn't everything. She knew now that starting new would take more then just walking away from him. Starting new, without him, would be much harder then that.

She smiled at her inward knowledge. She'd do if she had to though, if that doubt didn't fade away. As much as Daniel hadn't trusted her, she didn't know if she trusted herself either. She was suddenly filled with a great fear. If she hurt Daniel she didn't know what she would do with herself.

She had to back out of the doorway and into the hall. She braced herself against the wall and tried to breathe easy.

It's not going to happen, she tired to tell herself. It's just the emotions, the anxiety. She trued to remind herself that she and Daniel were involved. She tried to tell herself that he had been the one to say it. But the anxiety was pushing to the surface and her logic was starting to feel flawed.

She decided then despite her desires. She'd do it. When she was well and when life was calm again. She'd start new. Not just yet, not for quite some time. She wasn't ready to leave. Not until she knew her Daniel could survive too.


	25. Sexual Deprivation

When Daniel realized Vala had gone missing, he ran from the room. He found her right around the corner. She had been crying, he could tell. Still she looked content now, like she'd made up her mind.

"You okay?" Daniel asked approaching her. He took his hand and stroked her arm until he met her hand.

Vala looked up at him and smiled. He was all sweaty and sexy. She wanted to kiss his wet face right there and then. "Just a little tired darling," she said pushing off the wall and away from him. "I think we need to talk."

Daniel just nodded. He waved goodbye to Mitchell and Teal'c. He took her hand and started walking her back to her room.

"I think we've let this," Vala began waving her hand between herself and Daniel, "go too far." She couldn't believe she was saying this. She meant it though. "It's all too fast for me Daniel."

"I know Vala," he said slowly. "I don't want you to feel…"

"Daniel it's not that," she paused. She really couldn't believe she was saying this. "I don't know if… Daniel I can't… There will be no sex!"

Daniel looked at her with that skewed face of disbelief. "All right," he said with a shrug. He hadn't really expected that there would be any. He wanted there to be some, but he didn't need it.

She looked at him, her face curiously filled with disbelief. "Not just… waiting," she told him slowly. "I mean I don't know if… I will ever want to."

"Oh," Daniel said suddenly looking ahead. How much did this really change things? "Okay."

Vala couldn't believe he was saying this. Didn't he want her? She shook her head. She was going to make herself crazy. "I understand if you want to… back off from this… I don't want to hurt…"

Daniel suddenly turned her so she was looking right at him. "I'm in this Vala," he told her firmly. "I'm in this all the way." How many times did he have to tell her? He'd tell her a million times if he had to.

She didn't know exactly what that meant. It terrified and exhilarated her.

"It's going to take a lot more then sexual deprivation to get me to back off," Daniel said with a smile.

Vala laughed softly. "And we all know how much sexual deprivation you've had to suffer."

Daniel squirmed appropriately. Vala laughed and took his arm. She walked him back to her room. "You need to shower," she whispered. She looked in at her room. "I need to sleep."

Daniel smiled and kissed her on the forehead. He started to back away.

"Daniel," she said with a soft voice. He turned around and looked at her. She braced herself on the door. "What are we going to do?"

She meant in the future. She meant for the rest of their lives. She meant how and what and who. She meant that she was in this too.

Daniel smiled and took both her hands. "Tell me where and when."

She looked at him confused. "What?"

Daniel laughed despite himself. Then he looked at her, face sweet as the sun. He held her face with one hand and looked deep into those eyes. "I'm ready Vala. I'm ready to start fresh." He looked into her eyes and smiled. "I'm ready to start fresh with you."

Vala wrapped her arms around him in one swift motion. "Daniel." She said his name like laughter. She said his name like joy.

Daniel reviled in the sound, in the smell, in the feel of the moment. He couldn't remember the last time his name had sounded so wonderful.

She backed off after a moment. "Eww…" she said shaking her arms. She pointed down the hall. "Shower!"

Daniel laughed. He gave her a soft kiss. Vala sighed ready to give in right there. She pulled him off and pushed him towards the showers.

"I'm going," Daniel said raising his hands in defeat. "I'm going."

Vala watched him leave. She liked to watch him leave. Maybe this was it. Maybe everything was going to turn out all right. Vala shook her head at the thought. That didn't sound anything like the reality she knew.


	26. Just to Complicate Life a Little More

Daniel finished his shower and made his way to Vala's room. What was he going to tell her? That the time he was spending working was actually time he was spending looking for an appropriate place to explore off world? Could he tell her he'd found the most amazing planet, full of a lifetimes worth of study into Ancient culture? No, Daniel thought to himself. It could wait.

He knocked on her door.

"Come in," he heard her say.

He opened the door. Vala was curled up in bed. She smiled up at him. "I'm going to have a nap, darling." She sat up slightly looking at him with those big eyes. "Pick me up at dinner time?"

"Oh," Daniel muttered and started to back away. "Sure."

She smiled her thanks and curled up in her sheets. Daniel stared at her for a moment. Despite the fact that she looked like a child, she also looked like an angel, an infuriating, wonderful and comical angel albeit, but an angel all the same. Daniel exited the room after a moment.

Daniel started to walk back to his office. He was confused, but he hadn't changed his mind. He still knew how he felt. He knew that would never change. How could he tell her that he'd found the perfect, THE PERFECT, place to go? How could he tell her that… that he wanted to leave?

Daniel knew he'd let this get carried away. The idea of perfection was overrated. Perfection was being with Vala. Perfection was being happy. He loved her. He was going to stay. He was going to go wherever she went. He wasn't going to leave her. He knew if he did it would tear him apart.

Still Daniel looked at the report on his desk. He looked at the photos he'd laid out. Suddenly Daniel wished life wasn't so complicated.


	27. Sleeping Arrangements

Vala bounced as she headed back to her room. She loved Daniel. Daniel loved her. What else mattered? Well aside from the fact that she was going to leave him. It was for his own good. She had to keep him safe. And she wasn't going to do until she knew he was going to be okay. Not just out of the bleu, run away. She didn't want to escape Daniel. She just knew staying on earth meant staying in the past.

Still she bounced into to her doorway. Daniel stood awkwardly there. "Well…"

Vala smiled at him. She kissed him softly, her lips lingering for a moment. "Goodnight," she said with a whisper. She went into her room and shut the door.

"Right…" Daniel said to himself. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and headed towards his own room.

Vala found sleeping harder to do without Daniel there. Still she loved her room. She loved the privacy. She loved curling up with her teddy. Even still, she would have loved to sleep.

Around midnight she heard a knock on her door. It was Daniel, sporting some very fine looking jammies.

Vala smiled when she saw him but she didn't open the door wide enough for him to come in.

Daniel sighed suddenly. He felt rather silly now. He rubbed the back of his neck and began to speak. "I just… I couldn't sleep…" He was worried. He missed her. "I was wondering if maybe…"

Vala opened the door a little. "I'd love to." She quickly exited her room and closed the door. She took Daniel's arm and gave a little bounce. "You're room though." Vala leaned against him. She thought she might fall asleep right there in his arms.

Daniel smiled. He didn't mind that at all. He took a very tired Vala back to his room, his heart racing. He would have carried her but thought maybe the gesture might be ill construed.

He let her into his room. She didn't even pause before walking to his bed and curling under his sheets. Daniel's bed smelt nice. Daniel sighed and got in with her. He wrapped his arms around her. He smelt her hair and felt her warm skin. And within mere seconds, Daniel was fast asleep.

Vala was awake just a little longer. She could feel Daniel's breathe slow down. She knew he was asleep. He smelt so nice. She wrapped his arms around her tighter. She was safe here. She was happy here. If only she could stay here the rest of her life.

"I love you," the soft whisper enveloped the room.

Vala closed her eyes and feel asleep, content.


	28. Men are idiots

Daniel was wondering down the hall. He was happy, maybe even bouncing. He'd figured it out. Well not all of it, but he'd figured out most of it. Vala was in this. Vala wanted him. He loved her. Life seemed perfect.

Daniel saw Mitchell and Teal'c walking towards him. "Hi guys," he said raising his hand in a wave.

Before Daniel knew what was happening he was pressed up against the wall. Mitchell was bracing a forearm against his neck and Teal'c was standing beside him quite menacing looking.

"Am I correct to assume you are sleeping with Vala?" Mitchell asked fist poised in mid-air.

Daniel took a gulp. "Well… yes…" he said the words cautiously.

Mitchell's fist seemed ready to hit.

Daniel tried to duck the blow. "Just sleeping! Sleeping…" Daniel said trying to defend himself with his arms.

"I'm going to kick you ass Jackson!" Mitchell proclaimed. "Teal'c?"

"I will gladly assist," Teal'c said with a smile.

"Hey," Daniel said trying to wriggle away. He was unfortunately pinned rather well. "I… it's just…"

"After all she's been through," Mitchell said his voice filled with disappointment. "You say you love her man, but how can you even think it if your going to treat her…"

"Hey!" Daniel said before Mitchell could finish the thought. "We… needed to sleep… That's all we did…"

Mitchell's fist was ready now. Suddenly a pale hand was holding back Mitchell's forearm. Another hand was placed against Teal'c shoulder. Both Mitchell and Teal'c turned to look behind them.

"What's going on here?" Vala asked glaring at the all three of them.

None of them answered. They were all too scared, even Teal'c though he hid it better.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," Vala said. Mitchell let go of Daniel. Daniel immediately ran behind Vala for safety.

"I don't know what's going on," Daniel told her.

Vala turned and glared at him. "You should all be ashamed!" She shook her head. "Seriously!" She walked away from them. "Wonko! The base has gone wonko!"

All three men stared. Daniel shook himself free of the moment. "Now look what you've done," Daniel said, blaming the two other men. "Vala!" He called running after her.

Vala didn't slow her march. Daniel however did catch up with her. "Vala I didn't mean to..."

Vala turned and glared at him. "I thought you didn't care!" she told him accusingly. "Everyone else can think what they want. It's none of their business."

"Vala they were going to kill me," he told her pleading for redemption. She just glared at him. "You're right though." Daniel tried to sound confident. "It isn't any of their business."

Vala just shook her head. "You should be ashamed of yourself." She paced away from him quickly.

Daniel stood still. He didn't know what to say to that. But somehow Daniel finally realized the truth. In the end he would never be able to do anything right. Never ever again.


	29. She's finally made up her mind

Vala wandered into Daniel's office one day. He wasn't there. Somehow the past few days he'd had a lot of business to take care of. Vala on the other hand was bored out of her mind.

She started to make her way for Daniel's bookshelf when she caught sight of a folder on his desk. "DON'T LET VALA SEE THIS" was written on top of it. She knew she was asking for trouble, but she opened it anyway. Why else would he have written it if he didn't want her to see it?

There were pictures of Runes. Daniel had made notes about some kind of dig. "Best Ever" "Can't believe it" "Wish I could go" were only some of the remarks scribbled along the edges. Vala looked at it and started to cry. She hadn't cried for a couple of days at least. But now all her doubts all her fears came rushing back.

Galnek had certainly given her the worst kind of torture. She had found love. Finally she had found happiness. And slowly it was falling away from her.

She wished suddenly that it were all a dream. That none of it had been true. It would be easier to live with it that way. She could lose Daniel, as long as she had never had him.

She closed the folder. She left his office and went to her room. She didn't make it in time to avoid balling her eyes out in front of several base personnel. She didn't care. She got to her room and slammed the door shut. What was going on? Why hadn't Daniel said anything?

He wasn't going to leave her. He thought he was in love. He'd spent time over the past few weeks building a relationship, but he hadn't been honest. She was holding him back.

Vala curled up on the floor and hugged her legs close to her chest. She put her head on her knees and continued to cry. How had she let this happen?

Galnek that bastard! Her guard had been down. She had been vulnerable. She hadn't been thinking clearly. Now all she could think about was how disappointed Daniel would be. She had kept him from his life's work. She was going to keep him from his other love. A huge part of her wanted to. But the other part knew she could never live with that guilt.

Daniel was so devoted. He never left her side. He bantered with her and squirmed and laughed with her. Most of all he loved her. Or at least he thought he did. He hadn't said it but she knew he thought it. Daniel had been so much like the Daniel she loved. She now realized it was all too good. It would fall apart. She would break and it would end. What was the point?

She remembered the moment when Daniel had told her he wanted to be with her. She remembered her own feelings. She had decided she wasn't going to leave him. She had decided that together they could be happy.

They'd repaired so much together. Vala had almost felt whole again. She felt like life was worth living. That she could do more then survive. Even now, thinking about a life without Daniel she felt stable enough. Stable enough to be happy somewhere else. Not the blissful, wonderful joy she would have had with Daniel, but happy nonetheless.

She laughed to herself and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. Her hand was almost healed now. She could bend the fingers though clenching them still hurt. She looked at her wrist. It was scarred and torn. She had finally come to terms with what she had done to herself. She had come to terms with her pain. Daniel had helped her do that. Daniel had helped her move past it. Daniel had taught her that forgetting isn't always the best way to live. Daniel had taught her to grow and become who she was now.

She smiled and picked herself up. Maybe that was it. She didn't have to forget her Daniel. He'd always be around. She'd always love him. But she knew a relationship with him wasn't going to be a reality. Reality it seemed was against her. If she loved him she would have to let him go; to do that she'd have to move on, because she knew Daniel never would.

Galnek had played a terrible game, but she wasn't going to let him win. To avoid disaster she was going to act. To avoid more pain she was going to endure just a little. To be happy she was going to let the man she loved live out the dreams he'd always had. For both of them to be happy and avoid breaking again, she was going to set Daniel free. To do that, she was going to leave him.


	30. Starting Fresh

Daniel, oblivious to Vala's resolve, spent the next few days orchestrating his plot. He thought it was safe now. It had been about a month since the tragedy. He reminded himself every night how lucky he was to hold her. He reminded himself how very close they had been to losing each other. Vala was happy, not healed but stable. Daniel finally thought it was safe to move on. He was making plans for both Vala and him to move on, together.

"I'm still leaving Daniel," she told him one morning over breakfast. He stopped eating and just stared at her. "There's nothing for me here. I need to grow Daniel. And staying here so I can stay safe isn't reason enough to stay." Vala attacked her waffles and grimaced.

"You still need a reason to stay?" Daniel asked his voice all desperation. He hadn't been expecting this. Of all the things he had come to expect this hadn't been it.

She shook her head. "Daniel," she paused. She didn't want to be doing this. "Maybe you were right. Maybe we aren't right for each other." It wasn't totally true but she had her reasons for saying it. "I've become dependent on you Daniel. But that doesn't mean I can't make it on my own."

Daniel didn't understand. What was she trying to say? "Vala," he paused. He hadn't told her this. He had to tell her this. "I love you."

She didn't even look at him. She just shook her head. "You think you do," Vala told him taking on some kind of ubber psychological voice. "Daniel you think you're somehow obligated to look after me. You've fooled yourself into thinking that you love me so that it's easier for you to stay with me."

Daniel was really confused. Wasn't this what she had wanted all along? To be loved? That unconditional, crazy, sarcastic, and playful love? Daniel opened his mouth to speak but she stopped him.

"You have things you want to do to," she told him. "If I were the reason you were to stay behind or miss out I'd feel terrible. I don't want to say it, but how good can two unstable emotional wrecks be for each other?"

Daniel hadn't understood how much that comment hurt until that very moment. It was like saying they couldn't be together because they were too addle-minded to be together. It was like saying they couldn't be together because they couldn't predict the future. It was a bad excuse, he knew because he'd used it before. Finally Daniel just shrugged. Maybe that was it? Maybe he just had to stop fighting it.

"If that's what you really want?" Daniel said, spooning through his cereal.

Vala looked at him finally mouth wide open. "Really?"

"I want you to be happy," Daniel told her. "And if you need to go off on your own and explore the galaxy some more to be happy, then I won't stop you."

Vala hadn't realized when the conversation had gotten out of her own hands. Daniel had actually agreed. She had expected some kind of fight. Sure she had expected to win, but why was he making it so easy.

"I mean if you could wait a little longer," Daniel said, looking down at his cereal as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. "We could go off world together. There are plenty of things I want to see, research and such. I'd be more than happy to have your help."

Vala smiled. He was fighting, in a round about way. "Daniel." She said his name as if it were the only argument she needed to make, as though it was enough for him to see her side. "I won't disappear," she told him. "I just don't know how good it would be if we stayed togeth…"

Daniel cut her off. "DAMN IT VALA!" He was looking right at her now. His eyes were so soft, so sweet. He sounded angry but he wasn't going to hurt her. "I LOVE YOU! It took me years to figure it out, and what? Now you're just going to walk away?" He calmed down and lowered his voice. Several people in the commissary were staring. "I made a promise not to let you go. You think I made that promise just for you?" Daniel looked at her trying to read her face. He lowered his voice almost to a whisper. "I need you Vala. You might not believe it but I need you." He paused for a second. There was something else he had to tell her. He had to make it clear. "But it's more than that Vala. Because I want you. I want every bit of you."

Vala stared. Her Daniel needed her? Her Daniel wanted her? Her Daniel?

"Why are you saying this?" Vala asked him slowly.

"Because it's true Vala," Daniel said calmly. "I meant it before as well. If you need to go off into the galaxy to figure out how much I really want you, then go. If that's what will make you happy, then go. I don't want to hurt you again." Daniel was almost silent now. Vala had to lean in to her him. "I love you. That's all that matters."

Vala smiled. The biggest smile she had ever smiled in her whole life. There was no doubt anymore. There was nothing holding her back. Screw getting hurt! Daniel loved her. Really! She finally felt sure. This was real. She started laughing, hysterically laughing.

"Not quite the reaction I was expecting," Daniel muttered.

Vala rolled off her seat and onto the floor. Laughter! Joy! She remembered now. Nothing else seemed to matter in the whole world. She held her stomach from the pain, but she couldn't stop.

Daniel stared at her. "Are you okay?" He got up from his seat and bent down to help her.

Vala took his hand and pulled him down on top of her. She rolled him over and straddled him. Vala looked right into his eyes. "I love you Daniel," she was glad she could say the words now without fear. "I love you and I'm never going to leave you."

She kissed him quite thoroughly. Daniel was almost helpless to the process but he didn't mind. She loved him. She wasn't leaving. Life suddenly didn't seem complicated at all.

Vala suddenly started to stand up pulling him with her. She started to drag him out the door and down the hall.

"Where are we going?" Daniel asked, pretending to protest against being dragged.

Vala turned and looked at him with a wicked smile. "My room."

Daniel raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"There are many things I'd like to do to you right now darling," she told him with a giant smirk. "And your room is frankly too far away. I'm not wasting a minute."

Daniel laughed and before he knew it, he was racing Vala down the hall.

THE END


	31. Epilogue

Daniel took down some notes in his book. These runes were amazing. It would take him months to translate all of this. He could spend years trying to figure out what it all meant. This was information had the potential to change the course of history. This was potentially an archive of creation. Daniel was exhilarated. He felt like bouncing.

Leaving the SGC hadn't been that hard. He still checked in bi-weekly. For Daniel two days every month was more then enough time to spend visiting old friends. He wasn't surprised that he missed it. He wasn't surprised that despite his interest in his work, he could tear himself away just to see those friends.

Daniel was happy. Life was good. As he wrote down his notes though, he thought maybe something was missing. He looked at his watch. It was almost lunchtime. Someone from the village would be coming up with a meal. He closed his notebook and went to the entrance of the cave. He waited, reviewing some old text and old notes.

"Ready for a break?" a vexing voice broke through his concentration.

Daniel looked up from his books with a smile. He was handed a cup of coffee that he immediately put aside. He got up and kissed his company rather passionately. He let her go and held her in his arms.

"Well..." she said with laughter in her voice. "If that's the kind of break you want, I certainly have no objections."

Daniel smiled and creaked his neck so he could look at his face. "How are the negotiations?"

She smiled, the separated and sat down. "Well I think I've got enough work here to keep me busy for years," she told him with excitement. She bounced a little and told him about different conflicts and power issues. Daniel wasn't surprised her deviant little mind found it all so fascinating. "How are things here?"

Daniel smiled. He opened his notes and started to tell her all the wonderful details. They ate lunch together, Daniel talking while she listened.

Suddenly he realized that she wasn't actually paying attention. She was just staring at him. Smiling and staring, head resting against the palm of her hand. He stopped talking and looked back at her.

"Have I told you how much I love you Daniel?" she asked the words truthfully. She asked like she was worried if she had forgotten somehow.

Daniel smiled at her sarcastically. "Not today, Vala."

She jumped on top of him. She kissed him passionately, to the point that he nearly forgot how to the breath. She lifted herself from his chest with one hand and smiled. "I love so much, it drives me crazy." She kissed him again. He rolled her onto her back while holding the liplock.

He lifted his lips from her mouth and softly kissed her cheek. He whispered into her ear, "I love you too." And they kissed each other. And they loved each other. And fingers crossed – no suns have blow up… yet.


End file.
